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Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

-The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

-The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex any where, even in the kitchen.

-The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex life has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

-The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

-The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

-The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

-And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.

Pussy

LAZY PUSSY - This is when there is no movement on the woman's part >except trying to stop full thrust of the dick into the pussy. She says faster, faster but still is not putting any effort into the action at hand.

THE WENDY"S WINDOW PUSSY - This is the girl you pick up around 12:30a.m when everyone is sleeping and she knows that you are coming so she is waiting by the door. You don't have to beep the horn or call her from the car cause she knows the deal. She usually is not the best looking girl. You are never seen with this girl in public places and you hate that >she mentions your name to her friends. There is no reason to ask how your day was because it is too late for conversation. It is all agreed upon before she evens gets into the car. Nine out of ten times, there is no talk of relationship, because that might spoil the mood.

THE CONQUERED PUSSY - This is the girl who teased you for about two or three years and finally you get your chance and you please the pussy in a way it has never been pleased before. Now you have this girl calling you and wondering when ya'll can HOOK UP again. There is no pussy better then THE CONQUERED PUSSY.

THE ALL INCLUSIVE PUSSY - This when you get all the benefits of sex. The pussy is yours for the taking. Whether it is night or day, still in her church dress type pussy. The pussy smells like roses even after sex and tastes better than candy. Not only is the pussy yours whenever or wherever you want it, she give you ALL the sexual favors you can imagine. The head is tremendous, the kind that you write your niggas in jail about and she can handle the dick when you hit it from the back. To top it off, she is not scared to take it in the ass. This is in close running with THE CONQUERED PUSSY for the best pussy to ever get.

THE OUT OF TOWN PUSSY - This is the pussy you met on the last trip you and the fellas took. She only keeps in touch via email and she does not want a long distance relationship. She visits only at your discretion and always comes alone but is willing to bring a friend. She is number one when you go back to that city and only wants to have lunch to catch up on missed conversation. THE OUT OF TOWN PUSSY is necessary for the traveling single man.

THE FRUSTRATION PUSSY - This is the girl you call when you need to let some loose. You decide to call her when your day at work is miserable. You may even set this up before leaving work or on the way home. The only reason for this activity to take place is to get your mind off of other things. Afterwards you might think to yourself and say why did I just do that. The girl who is receiving the dick doesn't mind cause she doesn't get much action to begin with. THE FRUSTRATION PUSSY is sometimes THE WENDY'S WINDOW PUSSY.

THE FREQUENT FLIER PUSSY - This is the girl you know is fucking around, but you just don't care. She has lubrications that are halfway used already. She always has condom wrappers in her bathroom trash and beer in the fridge. The only reason why you keep fucking is because it's good, she's not bad looking and there could never be a relationship. It has not been proven, but she could have fucked one of the guys you use to go to school with. The pussy is not loose, but it is not THE HANDS ON THE HIPS PUSSY. I'll get to that later.....

TIME TO GO PUSSY - This is the pussy that when the pants come off her you can smell the nahh nahh! Fellas if this happens it is not even worth the two bars of soap it will take to get rid of the stench off your dick. This occurs with girls you bring home from the club, so to avoid this, take a good whiff while in the car with her or better yet invite her to take a shower with you.

THE TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT PUSSY - This is the girl everyone expects you to fuck. You haven't touched her cause she either has a big mouth, lives next door or is a close friend of the family's relative. There is also the chance that she is all three. She is cute but you know the consequences. She continues to tease you with the pussy and at any moment when the both of you are alone, she lets you know she wants to fuck. The best thing to do is fuck her friend. Last but not least.........

THE HANDS ON THE HIPS PUSSY - This is the girl that you fucked only one time cause she could not handle the dick. No matter the position you tried, she complains that it hurts. Not only is she screaming like you are murdering the woman, but she puts her hands on your hips so that you can't get your full stroke on. It's like fucking with half of your dick. She does not know the proper way to suck dick so there is no pleasure there. and doggy style to her is just Snoop's first album.

Also, you get bonus mythbuster thing:

Date: Mon, 24 May 2004 08:49:07 -0600
From: Emko Witteveen
Subject: Myth and Facts

MYTH: Sex is a good inducer of sleep.

FACT: Not always; It all depends on whether you were
completely satisfied with the sex act or not. For
example, take my friend Bill. I understand all his
women always fall asleep when they have sex with him,
usually during sex, some even during foreplay, and I
believe even his hand falls asleep during
masturbation.
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I need a girl who's name doesn't end with .JPG.