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I would hate to be this guy
Thursday. 12.2.10 11:35 am
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
19 times you went soft before you got in
59 times you worked too late
43 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
26 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were making love to the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
I sort of am afraid to ask...after reading this post! ha
Will you vote for me?
Hi! My name is Hallie and I have entered a Savvy Magazine photo shoot contest. I know you don’t know me but the winners are chosen by the public and if the public doesn’t know they need to vote…well, you guessed it, no one votes! Could you take a moment and look at my photos and decide if you would vote for me or not?
There are over 1000 of us trying to get to those top ten positions. If you don’t think I am top ten material scroll through the small icons to the right of mine and pick one of those ladies! One little click of your finger can help make somebodies dream a reality! You can vote once a day, everyday until January 1st! Thank You!
And special thanks to datechguy at www.datechguy.wordpress.com for voting for me and linking me!!!! And another big thank you to http://theothermccain.com has helped me out!
» hallie-mae on 2010-12-04 10:46:15
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